Happy birthday, Pa!

My old man, it's been too long since you left us but still, it hurts like hell when I remember on how you did.

with my awesome Papa!

How I wish I was able to tell you over and over and over again on how much I love you. On how I would not let anybody hurt you. On how I am proud that you are my father. But, unfortunately, I failed in most of it.

I know I may have failed you in some ways, but Pa, I hope you're still proud of me in spite of all the things I have done. I know I am not the perfect daughter that you may have wanted, but I know you love me. I know you love me very much.

I just wish that you have told me sooner about your illness and all. But don't worry, I understand why you didn't. Maybe you thought I was too young for that shit. Hehehe!

I still remember the times we had spent together in our home in Antipolo. Every morning you wake me up for school, we had breakfast together with coffee on our rice, soft boiled egg, and your favorite tuyo. You in your red robe, sipping your coffee, and smoking your cigs. Haha! How I hated weekend nights because you're always out playing cards with our neighbors and I got to tell you, I never liked it! Hehe! And on Sundays we'd go to Church together, and sometimes we'll even eat at Jollibee or Tropical Hut. Every night we walk outside together after dinner talking how are days went. Oh how I miss those times! I even remember how you taught me on how to ride a bike. I was making kulit to you to buy me a bike even when I don't know how to ride one, because my friends had them. I won, you bought me, but see Pa, I learned how to ride it on the day you bought me the bike! I may have fell and had some bruises, but I learned. ;)

How I wish you were still here with us. How I wish you were able to see out little Macoki, and hear stories from you on how I was as a child, because of all people, I know you know me very well on how I was! Well, duh. Hahaha! But you gotta agree with me Pa, I look a lot like Maco when I was a baby, didn't I?

You left us too soon I wasn't able to thank you in person. Pa, thank you for everything you have given me. From all the pens and paper I hoard at National Bookstore, my guilty pleasure even back then, from the food I have eaten, the clothes I wore, the toys I played, for everything. You have given me all I needed and wanted, thank you very, very much. Thank you for not laying a hand on me even when I was such a brat. And for buying me Jollibee meals when I was sick. And for cooking hotdogs for me when we don't have anyone else in the house who knows how to cook because you-know-who left us. But you know what, why did you even stick with that woman? She's bad. There, I said it. I never liked her. How I wish we could go back and erase her in our lives, we might have a wonderful life. Hehehe!

My ten years with you was too short. How I wish I had at least thirty years with you. Why did you leave us so soon? Why did you leave me so soon? I miss you, Pa. I miss you everyday. I love you.