March 13th, more than a decade back

Here is a more personal post about myself. I know there's not much who reads my blog, but please be my guest. Lol! It's okay if you don't read this post, too. This is a bit long. Haha

I woke up at 5 in the morning, took a shower and get dressed. I was on the rode along with my Tita Miko (a family friend) at 7 in the morning, on our way to my Papa. It was my first time to step foot in Manila. I was from Antipolo, and there are only two places I go, Antipolo and Quezon City, where some of my relatives live. It was also my first time to take a long ride in a jeepney, usually when I take the jeepney it was only a 5-15minute ride, but that time it was more than 30minutes, I think. It was also my first time to breathe that much pollution, to see a lot of people crossing the streets, and to see the LRT. I was amazed by Manila.

We got to Manila Med, we went to the 7th floor, the room, I already forgot. There were two hospital beds, one unoccupied, the other occupied by my Papa. He was sick. He has cancer. I never knew he has cancer, not until he left us. Again, for almost a month or more, it was my first time to visit him. When I was in the room, I try my best to hold back my tears because they told me Papa cannot see me crying. They told me Papa's gonna go home with us that day or maybe a couple of days after, I was assured he will. I told stories to Papa, I asked questions just not to react on his current situation, I asked him if I could drink his milk, Bear Brand, which was our favorite even back in Antipolo, I told him that we should ride the LRT  when it's time for him to leave the hospital. A couple of minutes passed and I cannot think of anything more to ask or say. I just stared at him for quite some time, and I cried. Tita Miko and the kinakasama of my Papa, rushed me out the room. We were by the stairs at the fire exit, they told me to wipe my tears away before I go back to the room. Rose, the other woman(Lol), went back to his room, and a couple of minutes, I heard her yell "Nurse!". I cried more. I cannot move from where I was standing. I took a peek from the fire exit, I saw doctors, nurses, nuns, and even a priest, rushing to Papa's room. What the fuck is going on? And then I walk slowly to Papa's room and again, I just took a peek, I didn't see his face, I just saw the machine they use in movies, that thing they put on your chest, I'm not sure what it's called, on my Papa's chest. I heard the doctor said, there's no pulse anymore but he's still moving. It cannot be. Papa can't be dead. I can see his hand moving, pushing away that machine thing. It cannot be.

I miss you, Pa. I love you.